*~Till death do us part~*

"We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand and grabs upon the one we love"

I received a call today, right when I answered the phone, I heard someone on the other line say "Teddy's mom just passed away 2 hours ago"........Right then and there, I knew who that person is. She is a very good friend of mine. From her voice, I can hear that she is emotionally down....its understandable though. I believe that anyone put in the same situation, would have the same reaction, if not, worse. Listening to her voice, and telling me how helpless she feels, my heart just feels for her. Her boyfriend of 8 years, Teddy, lives across the ocean....for the past 8 years, they manage to hold onto and maintain a good long distance relationship from the US to TW. The stories that she told me really makes me feel sour, especially the part about......Teddy's father died not too long ago and so he is left to take care of his mother and sister. Because he is the only man in the house, he gives himself the pressure to have the responsibility to take good care of them. They dont come from a wealthy family, in fact, they dont even come from an "average" household. Teddy has been in school for the past 6 years, with 2 more years to go as a doctor. Because of his family's problems and conditions, his dream has always been becoming a doctor. He wants to be able to help his family as well as cure other people. Because of his integrity and his devotion, it all paid off when the government offered him a full scholarship to the best university in TW, and that is the National Taiwan University. Going to medical school has always been Teddy's dream, but to fulfill his dreams, he also had to make sacrifices. He only got to see this very special friend of mine once to twice a year, and because of the amount of work he had to do for school, he didnt really have much time for his family either. 

This very special friend of mine, she is a very sweet sweet person. I've never seen her cry for the past 3 years. Everytime I see her, she is ALWAYS smiling, so being around her, it makes you smile too. She makes you feel like smiling and laughing can be very contagious. She loves the outdoor and her dream is to travel the world. She wants to go to every country in the world and help the homeless little kids. Talking about kids.....she LOVES kids. Her first job after she graduated was an occupational therapist. Why she chose this? Because she has a very big heart and she loves to care for the well being of others. She did therapy on the elderly for a year, and after she got more experienced in that field, she landed a job as an occupational therapist for special kids. Her kids range anywhere from infants to 4 year olds. Hearing her tell me stories on how bad some of the kids conditions are, how the little kids made her laugh, and the things that happens during work.....we often laugh together and tear up together.... I think this is where fate comes in. Have you ever had a feeling......when you meet someone for the first time, you dont know why, but you just really like this person? That was the feeling I had for her. Because of her working schedule, and the time she devotes to Teddy, we dont really talk as much as we used to anymore. But she is the type of friend whom if I havent talk to her for a while, when we talk again, we just continue from where we left off. She is the kind of friend that I often think about and wonder how she is doing....if she is ok.....if she is........

Hearing the news about Teddy's mom, I know it really hurt the both of them. Because I know the both of them, it hit me too. So when she talked to me about it, I started to tear up, and instead of me comforting her, she turned around and comfort me. At that moment, I sincerely felt that she is a strong person who looks at everything from the positive side. She had told me that it was ok, and she is okay. We come into this world knowing that we will eventually end by leaving this world. Because Teddy's mom was diagnosed with cancer, the chemotherapy that she had to go through, the amount of endless medication she had to take.....it really made the people around her shed tears just looking at her. She went from a very active person running around from city to city to being someone who cant even hold a glass of water to drink on her own. She spent most her remaining days laying in the bed at the hospital, with an oxygen mask to help her breathe. There was even a point in time when the doctors asked for the consent of Teddy, to just let his mom go naturally and peacefully.......Teddy and this very special friend of mine, sensed that her days will not last very long, but they still held onto that 1% of hope. At last, when the doctors put the oxygen mask on her again, she stopped breathing........

From this phone call, it made me realize that life and death can just be a second difference. One minute you're sitting in front of your computer typing, and the next........Life is really fragile and precious and we should learn to appreciate everything that we have and the people that take a very special place in our hearts. We should be thankful for our parents.....for giving us a life for us to experience the true meaning of living. For our significant other, for spending the rest of their lives with us, making sure that when we come into this world, we are not alone, and when we leave this world, we are still not alone. For our kids, for giving us the best gift of all...and that is to learn how to love unconditionally. For our friends, for going through life's ups and downs and making us laugh and cry every step of the way. For our boss, for giving us a job to be able to provide for ourself and our family. For our coworkers, for helping us when we need it and teaching us what we dont know so we could have our stability. And last but not least, for strangers, we may not know them, but we meet them and see them all for a reason. We may not know, but maybe the person sitting next to you now or the person you'll meet tomorrow is someone who walked by you at the market 10 years ago.

As I am sitting here writing this blog now, I have the sudden urge to tear up because I can feel how much my eyes opened up about death. I start to feel how much pain my family and friends will go through, when I leave this world. Its not easy to admit.....but death is really scary. I dont want to die because there is still so much more things that I havent done yet....I want to travel the world, I want to have my own company, I want to live the life the "teacher" said I will live, I want to go to my BB's weddings, I want to get married, I want to go to my kid's graduation, I want to attend my kid's wedding, I want to be a grandmother........

We may be able to control our own destiny, but we cant control our death clock. I dont know when will be my time to go, but for now, at this very minute, I just want to enjoy my life the way it is.....with all the people that are important to me! So when it is my time to go, I will leave here  smiling....bringing nothing with me but the sweet sweet memories!!!

"The fear of death follows the fear of life. One who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. So live as if you were to die tomorrow and learn as if you were to live forever "

*~Katelyn~*

*~^JBB^~*

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go away. Some stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."

The last of the 4 BB....I saved her for last because there are many things about her that I can relate to.....mostly on.....RELATIONSHIP~ ><

When I first saw JBB, she was someone who was very friendly. She welcomed me by talking to me and always having a smile on her face. No matter how her friends around her joked about her or made fun of her, she always smiled and joked along with them. So the first impression I got from meeting JBB was that she was a very good sport and a pretty girl with a good heart. She never took anyone's words offensively because she knew that they were only joking around and that no matter what they said about her, they still cared for her. Maybe thats why her friends around her always picked on her and made fun of her.....its because they know that she wont take things the wrong way. 

I remembered the first time I went out with her. We planned an afternoon tea at Tea Station. We wanted to take this chance to get to know each other better and just have what is known as our "GIRL TALK". She arrived about 2 hours late....making me worry about what happened to her, or if I got down the wrong place and time. She had told me earlier that day that her phone was going to be out of service and that she wont have a phone to contact me with, but our "afternoon tea date" is still on. I waited and waited.....but no word or sight of her. So I called Ethan and asked him if there was any way to contact her, and I remembered Ethan telling me "See~I told you...JBB is never on time!!!" At that time, I felt guilty for telling Ethan, because I didnt want Ethan yelling at her. About 30 minutes later, from a far distance, I can see a girl running towards my direction. I took a closer look, and it was JBB!! When I saw her, she couldnt stop apologizing, which made me feel even more guilty for having to rush her...... Sorry JBB!

During our "GIRL TALK", I have gotten to know her better. I saw a side of her that deeply touched me. She told me many stories......about her family, about her friends, about her past, about her work.....and the one thing that touched me the most, was the stories about her relationship. I dont know why, but when she first opened up her heart to me about her past relationship, I pictured my own relationship.....my past relationship. I used to hear people tell me that its good to be in a relationship when the guy is alot older than you....because he will be more mature and he will love and care for you even more. I believed it. My past relationship, we were 13 years apart. He cared for me, but it was only short term. I guess every relationship has its goods and bads, and maybe one thing that is good to others doesnt mean that it will be good to you too. This is something I learned. From JBB's stories, I believed that her past relationship, he was alot older than her. I may not know exactly why they ended, but I can feel that till this day, he still takes a very special place in her heart. She may not say so, but I believe that there are nights when she still thinks about him and wondering how he is doing. If we were in the market today and she sees him standing in line right in front of us, she will not talk to him, but her heart will start pounding really fast to a point that she feels like she will faint. Why? Because....she still cares. If you may ask how I know, I can tell you that 10 years ago, I had the same feeling. That is why I said that JBB and I can relate. As time passes, the feelings will slowly fade away and the memories may not always pop up in your mind again, but the feelings and memories are all still there. You can deny it, you can lie to the world, but you cant lie to yourself. From an outsider, we may see how bad he treats her, or think that she can do so much better, but to her, and her only, she knows the real reason why she chose to still hold his hands and walk next to him. And that is what the rest of us dont see. 

Getting hurt from a past relationship can really put a scar in your heart that makes it harder for you to accept a new relationship. Cancers.....we cancers...tend to over protect ourselves when we get hurt. We dont like to try new things, and start all over. We like to be in our comfort zone and even if the situation is bad, we still dont want to change it, we dont want to give up on it. Instead, we try to work on it to make it better, because we give everyone and everything the benefit of the doubt. We dont care if we fail because we still holding onto that 0.000001%. So, often, we are easily hurt.

I've walked through alot of relationship and I can sincerely tell her that the next one will always be better. You have to give yourself and your future Mr. Right a chance. Because one day, when you are holding onto his hands, you will look back and regret why you didnt do it any sooner. I know its not easy and it takes time, but just know that everything will work out for the better. I truly believe that we all have someone who is meant for us, and we go through life everyday trying to find that one person. 

JBB~you're a strong person who truly has a good heart. You always make the people around you smile and no matter how mad we get, we just look at you, and your special charm will just make everything go away. Thank you for coming to Tea Station that day and sharing your stories with me. Because there is that day......thats why we are here today! 

"Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends."

*~Katelyn~*

Rent-to-Buy Ratio

In the current housing situations, with the home price dropping 10% annually, is this the right time to buy a house and live the American dream of owning a house?? Well we all know the housing price has drop, but how much lower can it go? Today, I read this article talking about “rent-to-buy ratio,” (http://www.ocregister.com/news/rentbuy-ratio-for-2075632-news-metro) this article further assures my thinking about the current housing market, that the housing price is still too high. This article gives you another point of view about the housing price. I think it is very helpfully in purchasing the biggest asset of your life.

“The P/E ratio (price-to-earnings ratio) of a stock (also called its "earnings multiple", or simply "multiple", "P/E", or "PE") is a measure of the price paid for a share relative to the annual income or profit earned by the firm per share. A higher P/E ratio means that investors are paying more for each unit of income.” (Wikipedia.org)

The rent-to-buy ratio is like the P/E ratio of stock, to calculate the ratio; you take the home price divided by 12 month rent. The higher the Rent-to-Buy ratio means higher housing price and it is better off renting the property. The lower the ratio means lower housing price and it is better off buying the property.

The housing prices are determined by the usual supply and demand of housing, when housing demand increases the home price will increase. Also the rent will increase, because people who can’t own or buy a house will resort to renting. However, if the housing prices increase, and the rent stay relatively the same, it means there are speculator in the market which bump up the price.

Back in 2005-2006, the height of our housing market, the rent-to-buy ratio shot up to 31.5 in LA, and 29.7 in OC. To put it in perspective, with an average rent of $2,000 per month ($24,000/year) and a ratio of 30 will yield a home price of $720,000. If the rent stated the same and the housing market came down to yield a ratio of 20, your home price would be $480,000, that’s a difference of $240,000 ($720,000 – ($24,000 x20)). From the article the different between the LA’s peak ratio and the first quarter 2008 is 7.4 (a difference of -23.5%); therefore, a difference in ratio of 10 point is possible; giving that current housing price has not bottom out yet.

In conclusion, if currently you are looking to purchase a house and start your American Dream, then don’t let this opinion hold you back because your home value have drop 7 point from the peak. However, if you can wait the saving would be greater over time.

*~Ethan~*

*~^BBM^~*

"Everything and anything may change us, but we start and end as a family"

One of the greatest thing that I envy and adore about Ethan, is the relationship that he builds with his family. If you dont know Ethan personally, you will see him as someone who has no love, could care less about everything including his friends and family.....but when you get to know Ethan, you will come to see that he's a great person with a good heart who has unconditional love for his friends and family. Out of all his cousins, I can see that he cares most about his "3 sisters" To everyone, these sisters are only his real life cousins, but to Ethan, I know that he sees them not only as his cousins, but more so as his "sisters". And this is where....BBM comes in.

I've heard some stories about her past...but that's after I have gotten to know her. I remember the first time I saw her, it was very unexpected. Ethan called me to tell me that his sister wanted to meet me, and that we were going over to her house for dinner. I remembered I asked Ethan "How many people will be there?" He answered me "Just 5....my 3 sisters and us two." I thought to myself...."Ok, just 5, thats not TOO bad....." But when we showed up at her house, there was.....1,2,3,4,5,6,7......yup! 7.....for dinner, then a few more showed up after dinner. I know that I should feel flattered because they were there for me and to meet me for the first time, but everything was so unexpected, and because I knew how much Ethan cared for his sister, I wanted her to like me. From dinner, I can see the kind of personality that lies in her.The three qualities that caught my attention was....Straightforward, Demanding, Controlling.....To some people, actually~maybe to most people, this may sound bad. After you get to know her, you realize that these 3 qualities in her are actually on the positive side, its 3 good qualities. ....She is straightforward because she doesnt like to keep things bottled up inside. She wants to be as truthful as possible, as honest as she can be. Demanding only because she cares for the well being of others, she wants to have what is truly the best for herself and for the people she cares about. Controlling because she doesnt want to see other people get hurt. She likes to be our protection, a shield that protects us from getting hurt from anything. It's just like being parents. We always think our parents are mean, confusing, annoying.....but they only want what's best for us, because they are the people who love us the most. In BBM, I see this quality. After dinner, we talked more and more....it was very awkward at first, because we didnt have a topic that we can both talk about. But as we got to know each other more and more, we now cant stop talking! She slowly became a part of my life.

Now, when I see her, I see her sweetness, her naive, her kindness, her unselfish heart....and the love that she has for the people that she cares about. Her sweetness~~~I know through some people's eyes, we sometimes see and think that she doesnt sacrifice more than her significant other, and that he loves her more than she loves him.....but what I came to realize is the love and affection that she shows him when we are not around. A relationship takes two to be able to work it out, and in their relationship, I see two. Her naive~~~she is a very gullible person, one who believes everything she hears, never doubts her family and friends, and who would give a stranger 100% of her trust. She is someone who is also known as "Believing that everyone is innocent until proven guilty." Her kindness~~~No matter how one treats her in life, she is someone who will suck in the bad, and still put on a smile, just to make the people around her feel better. Her unselfish heart~~~out of all her qualities, to me, this is the most touching quality of her. She not only opened her heart to accept me and my past, but she also opened up her home to me. She slowly walked into my life, and now there is not a weekend that goes by without me seeing her.

Out of the 4 BB's, she is the most fragile one. Looking at her, makes the people around her want to care for her and love her even more. But, as much as I know she appreciates it, she rather care for others than have people care for her. There are so many "THANK YOU" I want to say to her, but seems like actions speak stronger than words. I want to use my love and effort to show her how much I appreciate all the things she does for me as well as show her how much I care for her. There is no way for me to repay her back right now, so the only thing I can do is to treat and love Ethan even more because I know that she cares for him just as much. And that seeing Ethan happy, will also put a smile on her face too.

Next year, she will be walking down the aisle, and the man that she will be spending the rest of her life with, is a very lucky man. Seeing her walk down the aisle, I know that I will shed tears of joy. Its just like seeing my very own sister finding her true happiness and living the "happily ever after" life. There's nothing more I want than to see her smile, because when she is happy, I am happy.

I dont know what the future may be for Ethan and I, but no matter what happens, she has already walked into my life, and became a part of it. I not only see her as a friend, but also my sister....my dearest BBM!

The love of a family is life's greatest blessing.

"The family you come from isnt as important as the family you're going to have"

*~Katelyn~*

*~^BBD^~*

"It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends"

I've come to realized that I am a person who is easily touched. By reading a friend's blog, to hearing about some tragedy on the news, to watching a drama on TV, my eyes can tear up when I get sucked into it...let's just say....I'm an emotional sucker for people who are helpless. With that said, I am sitting here now~writing this blog.

I just found out that one of my friend had a blog yesterday, so I spent half day reading her blog. From the first entry to the very recent one, I've read them all. From her blog, I've somehow gotten to know her better. I saw the side of her, I never saw before.

The first time I met her, I didnt know what to think of her. I thought she was very cute yet she may be very mean too. Long silky black hair, 2 pretty eyes, a small tiny nose, thin rosy lips, wearing a pair of dark framed glasses, with dimples to die for. I'd always loved to see her smile, because she had the cutest dimples! The very first time I met her, this was how she looked. The first time I met her was because of Ethan. We didnt really talk much the first time, but I always thought she looked kinda mean. I didnt know why, but it had to be the first impression. 

As I got to know her little by little, I started to see that she was a very strong, aggressive type of girl. She had the energy and mind of a "21st century" woman. She was someone who I would see more so as a business woman rather than a stay at home mom. I dont know why, but its that feeling she gives me when I am around her. She was someone who I can see as a leader in every aspect of life. Whether its for her career, her family, her friends, or even her relationship, she was someone who I would see leading the path for everyone behind her to follow her. 

Lately, as I got to know her just a little bit more in depth, I've come to realized the saying "Dont judge a book, by its cover". Because......she is someone who needs alot of love and nurturing, she is just a simple typical girl who seeks to find her true love, she is a soft hearted person who likes to listen to what others have to say, and most importantly, her dream is to have a family of her own with little kids that she can care for and be nothing more than a stay at home mom. 

Her relationship, is one of the hardest thing for her to manage right now. The time, commitment, love, sacrifice, and effort, she put into building this relationship is not easy. I am sure just like any girl, all she wants is a happily ever after ending. I'm sure that all the hard work that she put in to build this relationship now seems overwhelming, but when that day comes, the day when she finds herself being a wife to that very special someone, and a mother of her adorable little kids, all the hard work will be forgotten. She may not say so, but I can feel it. People say that a woman's intuition is always never wrong, and my intuition is telling me that she may look like she is very strong, but deep down inside, she is very fragile. But I do believe that if you really put your heart into it, it will happen. So, if she is reading.... I just want her to know that no matter what happens in life, through ups and downs, I'll be there for you every step of the way. Just believe in yourself and that the choice you made is the right one. 

Looking at her, made me realize alot of things in life. It got me to open my eyes and see that what we use our eyes to see of others, is only a protection that the person builds to protect themselves from getting hurt. Looking at her and reading her blog, made me feel like.....there is one more person in my life that I need to care for. 

"True friendship is seen through the heart, not the eyes"

*~Katelyn~*

*~To Be or Not To Be...........Superstitious~*

"Superstition is the weakness of the human mind; it is inherent in that mind; it has always been, and always will be."

Over the weekend, I have built up the courage to go meet a very special person. Through many referrals, and hearing about his accuracy....he is someone...who people call "Teacher".....He is not just any teacher, but a teacher who can tell you about your past, go in depth about your present, and foresee your future. 

From booking the appointment with him, to driving to his house, and till sitting inside his office face to face with him....it felt as if my heart beat was racing against each other. Hearing about what others had said about him, it was like he was given a gift from above. A gift that if used in the right way, can help many many people....Before meeting with the Teacher, I've always lived my life wondering "what if's............" but sitting face to face with him, I've realized how scary it is to have someone tell you about the unknown. Not just any unknown, but YOUR unknown...what the future has in store for YOU. 

"You are destined to have a very strong life" ....was the first thing the Teacher said to me as I walked into his office, even before I had the chance to sit down. My heart started to race again....I could only ask myself....."what could that mean?" As I sat down, he started to explain to me...."You have a man's life, living in a woman's body...." Huh??? What does that mean? I soon found out that I am destined to work throughout my life. To some people, especially woman, their dream may be to be a housewife or a stay at home mom or retire after schooling, but to me~working is where I want to be....so in other words, its not a bad thing to hear. The Teacher first talked about my personality. From what he had said about my personality traits, I could do nothing more than to agree what he had to say....because it was so true! I've come to understand myself more knowing that I am an insecure cancer living with a shell protecting myself. I live my life knowing that family is my number one priority and although I like the company of my significant other, there are also times when I like to be by myself. On the job, I seem to be the more dominant person...so I prefer being a leader over a follower. The Teacher then went on about my past....what I've been through and how it affected me. Out of all that he had said, the one part that really made me believe his words, was when.....he talked about my past. Because when someone goes in depth about your present, you feel iffy about it because you feel that there's nothing too special about someone telling you things that is currently happening.....then there is forseeing the future. With that, it's more like in one ear and out the other because it hasn't happen yet, so how will you know it's true? Then....there is the past. Hearing a complete stranger tell you detailed information about things that have already happened to you is just......speechless. I think every human being likes to have doubts....they like to question themselves, they question others.....but when there is solid evidence to back that statement up, then they start to believe. And that was what happened and felt sitting in front of the Teacher. I had doubts and I had questions, but when he target at my past, I started to believe. What he had said about my future is still very unreal to me because it is a future that I have always longed for. I want a successful future because I want to provide a better future for my family. Honestly, I think that the scariest part about going to see this Teacher is hearing what he had to say about my future. I was afraid that he would tell me that I would live a very tough life with rocky roads, unwinding paths, and never ending obstacles. But my heart, my confidence, my dream all came together when I heard him say "YOUR DREAMS WILL COME TRUE." 

What he said may or may not come true, but it has become a big motivation for me. Seeing my future through someone else's words may not be the wisest thing, but it has given me that extra strength I was always striving for, to work my way to my future. A future that can provide a better life for my family. Through his words, it has opened up my eyes as well as my heart to the people around me. Especially to those who take a very special place in my heart. I've learned to trust and to love unconditionally and to love spontaneously. I've learned how to treat my family and friends better and how to maintain a better relationship with them. I've learned how to become a better person mentally and emotionally because through his words, I saw my flaws....so I now understand how I can change myself to be a better ME. 

Lastly, everyone has dreams and goals that they want to achieve. Some people have goals that are easier to achieve than others, but it doesnt mean that just because it's easier to achieve, they should hold off on it or put it aside. And vice versa. Just because a dream is harder to achieve doesnt mean its impossible. I truly believe that if you put your mind and heart into it, ANYTHING and EVERYTHING is possible. It all comes down to how much you want your dreams to come true and how much you're willing to work yourself to make it happen. For me.....I want it.....I really want it........~

"Everyone has his superstitions. One of mine has always been when I started to go anywhere, or to do anything, never turn back or stop until the thing that was intended has been accomplished."

*~Katelyn~*