*~Till death do us part~*

"We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand and grabs upon the one we love"

I received a call today, right when I answered the phone, I heard someone on the other line say "Teddy's mom just passed away 2 hours ago"........Right then and there, I knew who that person is. She is a very good friend of mine. From her voice, I can hear that she is emotionally down....its understandable though. I believe that anyone put in the same situation, would have the same reaction, if not, worse. Listening to her voice, and telling me how helpless she feels, my heart just feels for her. Her boyfriend of 8 years, Teddy, lives across the ocean....for the past 8 years, they manage to hold onto and maintain a good long distance relationship from the US to TW. The stories that she told me really makes me feel sour, especially the part about......Teddy's father died not too long ago and so he is left to take care of his mother and sister. Because he is the only man in the house, he gives himself the pressure to have the responsibility to take good care of them. They dont come from a wealthy family, in fact, they dont even come from an "average" household. Teddy has been in school for the past 6 years, with 2 more years to go as a doctor. Because of his family's problems and conditions, his dream has always been becoming a doctor. He wants to be able to help his family as well as cure other people. Because of his integrity and his devotion, it all paid off when the government offered him a full scholarship to the best university in TW, and that is the National Taiwan University. Going to medical school has always been Teddy's dream, but to fulfill his dreams, he also had to make sacrifices. He only got to see this very special friend of mine once to twice a year, and because of the amount of work he had to do for school, he didnt really have much time for his family either. 

This very special friend of mine, she is a very sweet sweet person. I've never seen her cry for the past 3 years. Everytime I see her, she is ALWAYS smiling, so being around her, it makes you smile too. She makes you feel like smiling and laughing can be very contagious. She loves the outdoor and her dream is to travel the world. She wants to go to every country in the world and help the homeless little kids. Talking about kids.....she LOVES kids. Her first job after she graduated was an occupational therapist. Why she chose this? Because she has a very big heart and she loves to care for the well being of others. She did therapy on the elderly for a year, and after she got more experienced in that field, she landed a job as an occupational therapist for special kids. Her kids range anywhere from infants to 4 year olds. Hearing her tell me stories on how bad some of the kids conditions are, how the little kids made her laugh, and the things that happens during work.....we often laugh together and tear up together.... I think this is where fate comes in. Have you ever had a feeling......when you meet someone for the first time, you dont know why, but you just really like this person? That was the feeling I had for her. Because of her working schedule, and the time she devotes to Teddy, we dont really talk as much as we used to anymore. But she is the type of friend whom if I havent talk to her for a while, when we talk again, we just continue from where we left off. She is the kind of friend that I often think about and wonder how she is doing....if she is ok.....if she is........

Hearing the news about Teddy's mom, I know it really hurt the both of them. Because I know the both of them, it hit me too. So when she talked to me about it, I started to tear up, and instead of me comforting her, she turned around and comfort me. At that moment, I sincerely felt that she is a strong person who looks at everything from the positive side. She had told me that it was ok, and she is okay. We come into this world knowing that we will eventually end by leaving this world. Because Teddy's mom was diagnosed with cancer, the chemotherapy that she had to go through, the amount of endless medication she had to take.....it really made the people around her shed tears just looking at her. She went from a very active person running around from city to city to being someone who cant even hold a glass of water to drink on her own. She spent most her remaining days laying in the bed at the hospital, with an oxygen mask to help her breathe. There was even a point in time when the doctors asked for the consent of Teddy, to just let his mom go naturally and peacefully.......Teddy and this very special friend of mine, sensed that her days will not last very long, but they still held onto that 1% of hope. At last, when the doctors put the oxygen mask on her again, she stopped breathing........

From this phone call, it made me realize that life and death can just be a second difference. One minute you're sitting in front of your computer typing, and the next........Life is really fragile and precious and we should learn to appreciate everything that we have and the people that take a very special place in our hearts. We should be thankful for our parents.....for giving us a life for us to experience the true meaning of living. For our significant other, for spending the rest of their lives with us, making sure that when we come into this world, we are not alone, and when we leave this world, we are still not alone. For our kids, for giving us the best gift of all...and that is to learn how to love unconditionally. For our friends, for going through life's ups and downs and making us laugh and cry every step of the way. For our boss, for giving us a job to be able to provide for ourself and our family. For our coworkers, for helping us when we need it and teaching us what we dont know so we could have our stability. And last but not least, for strangers, we may not know them, but we meet them and see them all for a reason. We may not know, but maybe the person sitting next to you now or the person you'll meet tomorrow is someone who walked by you at the market 10 years ago.

As I am sitting here writing this blog now, I have the sudden urge to tear up because I can feel how much my eyes opened up about death. I start to feel how much pain my family and friends will go through, when I leave this world. Its not easy to admit.....but death is really scary. I dont want to die because there is still so much more things that I havent done yet....I want to travel the world, I want to have my own company, I want to live the life the "teacher" said I will live, I want to go to my BB's weddings, I want to get married, I want to go to my kid's graduation, I want to attend my kid's wedding, I want to be a grandmother........

We may be able to control our own destiny, but we cant control our death clock. I dont know when will be my time to go, but for now, at this very minute, I just want to enjoy my life the way it is.....with all the people that are important to me! So when it is my time to go, I will leave here  smiling....bringing nothing with me but the sweet sweet memories!!!

"The fear of death follows the fear of life. One who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. So live as if you were to die tomorrow and learn as if you were to live forever "

*~Katelyn~*

*~^JBB^~*

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go away. Some stay for a while and leave footprints in our hearts. And we are never, ever the same."

The last of the 4 BB....I saved her for last because there are many things about her that I can relate to.....mostly on.....RELATIONSHIP~ ><

When I first saw JBB, she was someone who was very friendly. She welcomed me by talking to me and always having a smile on her face. No matter how her friends around her joked about her or made fun of her, she always smiled and joked along with them. So the first impression I got from meeting JBB was that she was a very good sport and a pretty girl with a good heart. She never took anyone's words offensively because she knew that they were only joking around and that no matter what they said about her, they still cared for her. Maybe thats why her friends around her always picked on her and made fun of her.....its because they know that she wont take things the wrong way. 

I remembered the first time I went out with her. We planned an afternoon tea at Tea Station. We wanted to take this chance to get to know each other better and just have what is known as our "GIRL TALK". She arrived about 2 hours late....making me worry about what happened to her, or if I got down the wrong place and time. She had told me earlier that day that her phone was going to be out of service and that she wont have a phone to contact me with, but our "afternoon tea date" is still on. I waited and waited.....but no word or sight of her. So I called Ethan and asked him if there was any way to contact her, and I remembered Ethan telling me "See~I told you...JBB is never on time!!!" At that time, I felt guilty for telling Ethan, because I didnt want Ethan yelling at her. About 30 minutes later, from a far distance, I can see a girl running towards my direction. I took a closer look, and it was JBB!! When I saw her, she couldnt stop apologizing, which made me feel even more guilty for having to rush her...... Sorry JBB!

During our "GIRL TALK", I have gotten to know her better. I saw a side of her that deeply touched me. She told me many stories......about her family, about her friends, about her past, about her work.....and the one thing that touched me the most, was the stories about her relationship. I dont know why, but when she first opened up her heart to me about her past relationship, I pictured my own relationship.....my past relationship. I used to hear people tell me that its good to be in a relationship when the guy is alot older than you....because he will be more mature and he will love and care for you even more. I believed it. My past relationship, we were 13 years apart. He cared for me, but it was only short term. I guess every relationship has its goods and bads, and maybe one thing that is good to others doesnt mean that it will be good to you too. This is something I learned. From JBB's stories, I believed that her past relationship, he was alot older than her. I may not know exactly why they ended, but I can feel that till this day, he still takes a very special place in her heart. She may not say so, but I believe that there are nights when she still thinks about him and wondering how he is doing. If we were in the market today and she sees him standing in line right in front of us, she will not talk to him, but her heart will start pounding really fast to a point that she feels like she will faint. Why? Because....she still cares. If you may ask how I know, I can tell you that 10 years ago, I had the same feeling. That is why I said that JBB and I can relate. As time passes, the feelings will slowly fade away and the memories may not always pop up in your mind again, but the feelings and memories are all still there. You can deny it, you can lie to the world, but you cant lie to yourself. From an outsider, we may see how bad he treats her, or think that she can do so much better, but to her, and her only, she knows the real reason why she chose to still hold his hands and walk next to him. And that is what the rest of us dont see. 

Getting hurt from a past relationship can really put a scar in your heart that makes it harder for you to accept a new relationship. Cancers.....we cancers...tend to over protect ourselves when we get hurt. We dont like to try new things, and start all over. We like to be in our comfort zone and even if the situation is bad, we still dont want to change it, we dont want to give up on it. Instead, we try to work on it to make it better, because we give everyone and everything the benefit of the doubt. We dont care if we fail because we still holding onto that 0.000001%. So, often, we are easily hurt.

I've walked through alot of relationship and I can sincerely tell her that the next one will always be better. You have to give yourself and your future Mr. Right a chance. Because one day, when you are holding onto his hands, you will look back and regret why you didnt do it any sooner. I know its not easy and it takes time, but just know that everything will work out for the better. I truly believe that we all have someone who is meant for us, and we go through life everyday trying to find that one person. 

JBB~you're a strong person who truly has a good heart. You always make the people around you smile and no matter how mad we get, we just look at you, and your special charm will just make everything go away. Thank you for coming to Tea Station that day and sharing your stories with me. Because there is that day......thats why we are here today! 

"Remember, the greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends."

*~Katelyn~*