*~Till death do us part~*

"We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand and grabs upon the one we love"

I received a call today, right when I answered the phone, I heard someone on the other line say "Teddy's mom just passed away 2 hours ago"........Right then and there, I knew who that person is. She is a very good friend of mine. From her voice, I can hear that she is emotionally down....its understandable though. I believe that anyone put in the same situation, would have the same reaction, if not, worse. Listening to her voice, and telling me how helpless she feels, my heart just feels for her. Her boyfriend of 8 years, Teddy, lives across the ocean....for the past 8 years, they manage to hold onto and maintain a good long distance relationship from the US to TW. The stories that she told me really makes me feel sour, especially the part about......Teddy's father died not too long ago and so he is left to take care of his mother and sister. Because he is the only man in the house, he gives himself the pressure to have the responsibility to take good care of them. They dont come from a wealthy family, in fact, they dont even come from an "average" household. Teddy has been in school for the past 6 years, with 2 more years to go as a doctor. Because of his family's problems and conditions, his dream has always been becoming a doctor. He wants to be able to help his family as well as cure other people. Because of his integrity and his devotion, it all paid off when the government offered him a full scholarship to the best university in TW, and that is the National Taiwan University. Going to medical school has always been Teddy's dream, but to fulfill his dreams, he also had to make sacrifices. He only got to see this very special friend of mine once to twice a year, and because of the amount of work he had to do for school, he didnt really have much time for his family either. 

This very special friend of mine, she is a very sweet sweet person. I've never seen her cry for the past 3 years. Everytime I see her, she is ALWAYS smiling, so being around her, it makes you smile too. She makes you feel like smiling and laughing can be very contagious. She loves the outdoor and her dream is to travel the world. She wants to go to every country in the world and help the homeless little kids. Talking about kids.....she LOVES kids. Her first job after she graduated was an occupational therapist. Why she chose this? Because she has a very big heart and she loves to care for the well being of others. She did therapy on the elderly for a year, and after she got more experienced in that field, she landed a job as an occupational therapist for special kids. Her kids range anywhere from infants to 4 year olds. Hearing her tell me stories on how bad some of the kids conditions are, how the little kids made her laugh, and the things that happens during work.....we often laugh together and tear up together.... I think this is where fate comes in. Have you ever had a feeling......when you meet someone for the first time, you dont know why, but you just really like this person? That was the feeling I had for her. Because of her working schedule, and the time she devotes to Teddy, we dont really talk as much as we used to anymore. But she is the type of friend whom if I havent talk to her for a while, when we talk again, we just continue from where we left off. She is the kind of friend that I often think about and wonder how she is doing....if she is ok.....if she is........

Hearing the news about Teddy's mom, I know it really hurt the both of them. Because I know the both of them, it hit me too. So when she talked to me about it, I started to tear up, and instead of me comforting her, she turned around and comfort me. At that moment, I sincerely felt that she is a strong person who looks at everything from the positive side. She had told me that it was ok, and she is okay. We come into this world knowing that we will eventually end by leaving this world. Because Teddy's mom was diagnosed with cancer, the chemotherapy that she had to go through, the amount of endless medication she had to take.....it really made the people around her shed tears just looking at her. She went from a very active person running around from city to city to being someone who cant even hold a glass of water to drink on her own. She spent most her remaining days laying in the bed at the hospital, with an oxygen mask to help her breathe. There was even a point in time when the doctors asked for the consent of Teddy, to just let his mom go naturally and peacefully.......Teddy and this very special friend of mine, sensed that her days will not last very long, but they still held onto that 1% of hope. At last, when the doctors put the oxygen mask on her again, she stopped breathing........

From this phone call, it made me realize that life and death can just be a second difference. One minute you're sitting in front of your computer typing, and the next........Life is really fragile and precious and we should learn to appreciate everything that we have and the people that take a very special place in our hearts. We should be thankful for our parents.....for giving us a life for us to experience the true meaning of living. For our significant other, for spending the rest of their lives with us, making sure that when we come into this world, we are not alone, and when we leave this world, we are still not alone. For our kids, for giving us the best gift of all...and that is to learn how to love unconditionally. For our friends, for going through life's ups and downs and making us laugh and cry every step of the way. For our boss, for giving us a job to be able to provide for ourself and our family. For our coworkers, for helping us when we need it and teaching us what we dont know so we could have our stability. And last but not least, for strangers, we may not know them, but we meet them and see them all for a reason. We may not know, but maybe the person sitting next to you now or the person you'll meet tomorrow is someone who walked by you at the market 10 years ago.

As I am sitting here writing this blog now, I have the sudden urge to tear up because I can feel how much my eyes opened up about death. I start to feel how much pain my family and friends will go through, when I leave this world. Its not easy to admit.....but death is really scary. I dont want to die because there is still so much more things that I havent done yet....I want to travel the world, I want to have my own company, I want to live the life the "teacher" said I will live, I want to go to my BB's weddings, I want to get married, I want to go to my kid's graduation, I want to attend my kid's wedding, I want to be a grandmother........

We may be able to control our own destiny, but we cant control our death clock. I dont know when will be my time to go, but for now, at this very minute, I just want to enjoy my life the way it is.....with all the people that are important to me! So when it is my time to go, I will leave here  smiling....bringing nothing with me but the sweet sweet memories!!!

"The fear of death follows the fear of life. One who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. So live as if you were to die tomorrow and learn as if you were to live forever "

*~Katelyn~*

*~Days w/ My Father~*

I read an article today....an article about someone......a person, who takes a big part of each and every one of our lives....someone who we call our "DADDY"~

"My mom died suddenly on September 4, 2006. After she died, I realized how much she has shield me away from my father's mental state. He doesn't have Alzheimer's, but he has short term memory and is often lost. I took him to my mother's funeral, and to the burial, but when we got home, he would ask me every 15-20 minutes where my mother was. I'd have to then explain to him over and over again that she had died and that we just went to her funeral. This news was shocking to him, as he had no memory to these events. After a while, I realized that I couldn't tell him that his wife had died. He didn't remember and it was killing the both us, to constantly re-live her death. I decided to tell him that she had gone to Paris, to take care of her sick brother. And that was where she was now. As I am writing this, he's 97, and he'll be 98, on March 11, 2008. 

It's rather odd....my mom's death had taken on a slightly absurd aspect these days. When my dad ask where she is, I still say she's in Paris. But when he ask me what she's doing there, rather than the usual story, I'll just say that she's running a very famous flea circus. Then I would do some circus acts in front of my father, and it will make the both of us laugh! I love moments like these. For just a few minutes, everything almost feels normal again. My mom isn't dead, and we're not pretending she's gone to Paris. Oh~how sweet that would be. 

This sums up almost everything about my father. It's who he is, and its what is left of him. AMBITION. As a child, I grew up on stories about my father's daring in the business world. For him, everything was always possible. He always pushed me to do better, to work harder. It actually made me a little crazy sometimes. 

My father.....often tells me he wants to die. He says its time for him to go, that he's been around too long. It's odd, because a part of me wants him to go too. This is no life for him, living in the twilight of half memories. But he is the only really close family I have left. After him, thats it. The other day, when he said he wanted to die, I told him that the problem was that he exercised his entire life, so he was in too good of a shape to do so. He looked at me, raised his finger, and said "Next time around, I'm going to stay in bed!" He may not be able to remember much, but he's still pretty sharp. 

Its amazing. My father is so appreciative of the love he receives. Each time I visit, its like an incredible gift, to him and to me. Its feels as if we're drinking deeply from the same well, for one last time. He's always talking about how much he loves me. These are things he never told me before. 

Sometimes, when we're talking, my dad will stop, and sigh......and then close his eyes. It's then that I know, that he knows. About my mom........About everything. 

My father was 98 today."

As I am sitting here, reading and writing this blog, I can only think about my own father. The time is now 8:30 in the evening.....At this time, while some fathers are home having a nice dinner with his family, or bonding with his children, or sitting on the couch watching TV,......My father is still working. He works at least 10 hours a day, and 7 days a week. All throughout my life, all the sacrifices that he had ever made was all for the benefit of his family. 26 years ago, my father came to the US, and it was the first time he had ever been on a plane. Its 26 years now, and he has still never been back on a plane. He often talks about the countries that he one day wishes to travel to...and when I hear what his wishes are.....it just breaks my heart. Not because I know that I am not capable to fulfill his wishes, but because I know that financially....I know it's something that wont be happening soon. There are so many things I wish that I can give to my father......I am still working on it now.....it may not happen within the next year, but one day, I wish for my father to retire......to live the life Katelyn's father should live. 

There are times when I was younger, I prayed to GOD, and asked him that if I was to leave one day, to please bring me back to a wealthy family. I wished for parents who would be able to buy me anything that I wanted. I wanted to live a smoother life, I wanted a perfect family......I wanted my friend's family......

When I was younger, I didnt understand why when my classmates shared their weekend family trips to Disneyland and how they met Mickey Mouse....I would have no clue what they are talking about. I saw my grandparents more than my parents. I didnt understand why when my classmates had big lavish birthday parties at McDonald's, all I would have was a birthday cake. I didnt understand why when my classmates gets to go to the library for storytime, I would be at home babysitting my brothers. I didnt understand why.....................but as I get older, I look around.....and when I see the house I live in, the room I have, the clothes that are hanging in my closet, the bed I sleep in, the blanket that keeps me warm through the winter time.........I understand why. 

As I got older, I prayed to GOD, and asked him that if I was to leave one day, to please bring me back to the same family. I wish for my parents, the parents, the brothers, that I have now. I would give up wealth, give up a smoother life, give up the perfect family, to just have the parents that I have now. My father may not live to be 98, but I will do all that I can to cherish the time we have together. Because in life, there are things that money cant buy........and one of these things is the smile that I have on my face now, as I am thinking of my father............................

*~Katelyn~*